I’ve had enough.
Thing seem like quite a struggle recently and I thought I’d just write a quick post to explain what’s going on.
As regular visitors will know, my last post was about a month ago and I’ve not sent out any email newsletter updates. I feel bad about that… so like the title of this post says: “I’m giving up…”
…But not to worry. I don’t mean I’m giving up this site! Read on and I’ll explain more… 
For my kid’s it’s their summer holidays and I’ve got them for the next few weeks. I’m not sure if any of you are single parents but, if you are, then you’ll know what I mean by kids really sucking up your time, resources and energy during the holidays! There’s the clearing up to do while simultaneously having to find various things for them to be getting on with. There’s the constant “I’m bored” or “Dad… play with me” demands that have to be met… Not to mention the fighting. And usually right when I’m in the middle of doing something (like cleaning or attending to something important). *sigh*
All the while, I feel bad that I’ve not been able to do any “work”. By that, I mean keeping up with this site; doing any email newsletters or even working on the online courses that I’m currently developing. Yes, I’ve quite a lot that I want to accomplish on this site and, right now, I feel bad that I can’t deliver!
Getting a few minutes to do some work is an impossible task. I’ve been getting stressed out that I’ve not been able to get anything done. Even a simple thing like trying to check emails is difficult when you’ve got 2 kids who want to get online and hog the computer for several hours. On the upside, being online keeps them entertained (i.e. not fighting… unless it’s about who gets to use the computer… Ugh!) and then I can get on with something else…
So, I’m giving up… I’m giving up “trying to fight the summer holidays”. There are times when you just have to pick your battles and know when to give in.
This is one of those times.
I’m giving up being stressed out. I’m giving up being worried. I’m giving up having a go at myself for not being able to get some work done. Instead, for the next few weeks, I’m going to do something different…
What I’m going to do is to enjoy the summer holidays with my kids.
I’ve already started. Mainly because there really is no point fighting it. But also because of something someone said to me…
About a week ago, I bumped into someone who I often see at a monthly Druid gathering (or “Druid School” as my kids like to call it). Now, I’m not a Druid but I go to these meetings as it’s a great way of getting an alternative perspective about life. I like being open minded and usually, they set very practical “homework” that helps to provide some clarity around what you’re doing and why you’re doing them. I think that it’s always good to challenge your assumptions and think about what you do in life (and how it could improve).
I’d missed the last session but, on that chance encounter, I was told that the homework for the next month was to “enjoy yourself“. So I’m sharing this with you now as I think that it may help you to stop stressing and to remember to enjoy yourself!
Isn’t it funny how easy it is to be so wrapped up in stress and worry that we miss the simple things – like actually enjoying doing things when we do them?
Basically, what’s the point in getting stressed about something? Usually, if you try and work while stressed, then what you find is you’re actually not as productive as you could be. If anything, getting stressed, angry and frustrated tend to lead to a cycle of stress from which it becomes hard to escape. But if you’re enjoy what you’re doing, then it’s amazing how things flow and get done a lot quicker!
There are times when you just have to take a break. Stress clouds the mind. For me, that time is now. I can’t actually enjoy working when there’s a million and one other things that need my attention (i.e. the kids!). So instead, I’ve started to enjoy the time that I have with my kids and cherishing every minute. Let’s face it – they grow up so fast and a lot of parents miss out because they spend every minute trying to “work” and not actually being present with their kids. I guess, I’m very fortunate that I can spend quality time with mine…
Anyway, I’m now doing tiny things like taking the time to read aloud to my boy. We’re currently reading “The Enemy” by Charlie Higson – it’s an excellent book about kids trying to survive in a world where all the adults have turned into zombies. I’m actually quite enjoying reading aloud – doing voices for the characters and slowing down or speeding up the pace for dramatic tension. My boy loves it too and I hope one day, he’ll make time to do the same for his kids. It’s really quite fun! Not only that but it does take my mind off the “workload” that I’ve created for myself… which is all, in reality, an illusion that I’ve created for myself!
There are the tiny moments in life that you can’t get back. One day, my boy will be all grown up but I know we’ll both look back at these times with fond memories. These are the things that are special and it’s great to get things back in perspective.
Stepping back from the stress and the worry – just by enjoying doing something else – helps to clear the mind. Like a laptop or mobile phone, drained of energy, you have to take time to recharge it so that it can function properly again.
I know people who “work” all of the time. 24/7. Around the clock. I feel sorry for them. And then they have a “work” phone so that they can be contacted by the office… during their time off! Note: If you’re on holiday, please… just leave that mobile/cell/hand phone behind! Take the time to recharge and forget about the office and about work. After all, who looked after that stuff before you joined? And who’ll look after it after you leave (or die from working too hard!)? What’s the price you’re paying for enriching someone else’s wallet instead of enriching your own life? The time you sacrifice now is time you’ll never get back!
Anyway, I’ve got to go. Go and start really enjoying the summer holidays with my kids! I’ll be taking a bit of time off to renew my enthusiasm and take some time to get a better perspective on what I’m doing (and what I want to achieve).
Please excuse me while I’m away for the next few weeks or so. I’m giving up on beating myself up and I’ll be aiming to start work “properly” on this site around the end of the month / beginning of September (when the kids go back to school). I know that taking a break will help me become even more productive as well as giving me the energy to get back into work and enjoy it.
Unlike other parents, I’m not going to say that I can’t wait for my kids to go back to school… instead, I’m now looking forward to being with them through the holidays. That’s much more fun!
Until the next time. I hope you have an enjoyable summer holiday. And remember to try and enjoy everything you do!
Cheers,
Zain
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Well done for you!
I also enjoy the time I spend with my 2.5 year old son. Such a joy, so much laughter and discovery!
thanks!
Hi Sofia,
Yes, children are a joy…. Especially when they grow up!
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Admittedly, I didn’t take to the whole parental thing at the beginning (as my first was… er… “accidental”… *cough*). I love them now though. They provide me with so much in my life and, you’re right, they do help you discover so much. I found out so much more about myself after having kids and, while they can be taxing, I feel blessed that they are now in my life.
I’d definitely recommend doing the reading thing though – I get so much from just spending a bit of time with my boy. Quality time – not distacted, “X-Box”, TV or computer time but a real connection. I do hope that my kids do the same when they become parents… if not, then I’d be more than happy to read to my grandkids.
Cheers,
Zain
Thanks for the post! It is inspiring and very helpful
I play all videos and heard the reading of the book at the same time I was reading it. I have started a second session with the videos, and I hear twice the first one; I believe this is making a transformation in me; I now I am heading to achieve my goals. Controlling my mind is a task, I am learning. I am conducting to goals, and at least I have not dismay in the middle of the storm.
I was recently hospitalized for an illness that put me in that bed for nearly a month. I’m healing and getting stronger and more energized each day. Slow and steady is my ship! I found that stress can zap all your mental and physical resources to the point that you suddenly become aware that, ‘I’m fragile, and I’m really not as strong as I thought I was. Time to change before it’s too late.’ That hospital stay was so unwelcome but more so, it was a mind shaking wake up call! It seems that you have found your-wake-up-call and your well trained instincts and desire to help others may have saved you. Sending out best wishes for you and yours. Thanks for the book.
Hi Saymario,
I hope that you’re getting better – being hospitalized is not a pleasant experience. I’m fortunate in that I’ve only been in to have my wisdom teeth removed and not for anything more serious. I do understand what you mean by the experience of hospitals feeling like unwelcoming places. Even visiting as a relative, those places can be a little daunting.
I’m glad that you managed to discover your wake-up call and have realised that it’s “time to change before it’s too late!”. I completely agree – one thing I’ve recently been thinking about is that “time” is very precious. We often don’t realise how much we waste or how valuable it really is… until something bad happens.
While it’s easy to say “enjoy living your life”, very few of us actually do. With all the pressures of work and just trying to get by in life, it’s rare that we get those moments where we just stop and think “What am I really doing here?”. Instead, we work all our life only to end up wondering “What did I really achieve?” and “Where did all those years go?”… The question is, on your deathbed, if you looked back at all that you have done… “Was it all worth it?”. Would it be a life that was enriched and lived fully… or would it have been one filled with fear and regret?
I’m glad that you found the book useful and hope that you may find more strength to help you on your way. Remember – your real strength is in your mind. Real strength is acknowledging the fragility in your limbs and yet still finding a way forward. And your real strength is knowing that the resources you need are always around you – in the people you cherish and love who will help and guide you on your path through life…
Good luck, Saymario and I wish you all the best, health and happiness!
Cheers,
Zain